The creative practices that will bring me back

How I'm making parenting and musicking compatible (spoiler: they're not right now)

I’m currently in the season of life where my husband and I are balancing having a lovely, playful, bubbly (and, at times, volatile) 2-year-old and a seemingly nocturnal newborn. I don’t have much time or headspace to do anything other than respond to others’ needs and while I do love it, it’s a lot. I’m looking forward to a shift in this season.

I’ve considered myself a Musician since 2017 when I was in my final year of study completing a Bachelor of Music in clarinet. I was finally at a point with my playing where I was picking the pieces I wanted to play because of how they made me feel, not because they were technically impressive or an important part of the repertoire (yuck). I’ve considered myself a Producer since 2021 when I released Sun//Rain. I worked to create beautiful moments across nine tracks, I invested in mastering and artwork and I believed in what I was making. I was so happy that it resonated with the amount of people that it did.

Right now I am a Parent. The Musician, the Producer and all the other Things that make me me have taken a back seat. Occasionally I’ll get stuck into trying to produce some music for a short amount of time. Sometimes I get something out, most of the time I get frustrated and turn it all off. The nourishment I get from creating a beautiful moment feels unattainable, and it is HARD.

So, rather than get stuck in the mental gridlock of what I can’t do, I’ve been thinking of the creative practices that nourish me and the things that I know will bring me joy again when I have the time and space:

• Playing long, slow notes in the lower register on my clarinet. You can feel the whole instrument come alive with these notes. The resonance is centering.

• Playing perfect 4ths, 5ths and major 6ths up and down the whole instrument. These intervals are simple and gorgeous, they bring me joy.

• Doing either of the above running my clarinet through my Walrus Audio Slö reverb pedal.

• Thinking of a random series of numbers and playing the pattern in every key. I find this massages the creative fabric and gets me into that playful state, rather than the “I need to write something good NOW”

• Improvising with my delay pedal. Again, simple but fun.

• When it comes to electronics, I just love working with sequencers and arpeggiators. My main synthesiser is my Critter and Guitari Organelle. The “punchy” patch is my all time favourite. You can hear it on ‘Break the Cycle’ and ‘Adrift in Memory’ on Micro Macro. I also recently bought an Arturia Microfreak to expand my sound, but the organelle will always be the easiest electronic instrument for me to find my sound on.

And here are the creative practices that I am able to do right now, in tiny tiny bursts:

• I have started compiling a playlist of “Inspiring Sounds”. Any time I hear a track that makes me feel that feeling, I add it to this playlist. It’s currently got some Jasmine Myra, Svaneborg Kardyb, Zoe Polanski, Luke Howard, and Drum & Lace on it.

• Listening to a new track, or a few tracks from a new album every day. I’m always finding new music thanks to the people I follow on Substack, what a gift!

• Reading interviews on what other musicians, producers, artists are up to.

• Listening to records from our record collection. I’m very grateful that our kids love music (the newborn doesn’t have a choice…) and mostly let us be the house DJs.

• Singing and dancing with my two year old. Getting the body moving to songs my kid loves reconnects me to that playful space required to make my own music. If you want something fun to dance to that is written for kids, I can’t recommend Zindzi & the Zillionaires highly enough.

And I need to keep reminding myself that only 3 months ago I finished a whole album which will be released in January. Things are happening, the work has been done, and things will happen again!

So… when things settle down and the work starts again I’ll look at this list for a good place to start. What do you do when you can’t do what you do?

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And now the things I’ve loved listening to of late:

Loveloops by Zoe Polanski
In 10 words: Minimalist vocals, fascinating production, beautiful tracks. Absolutely adore this album.

Floating Mountains by Soshi Takeda
In 10 words: Get the head bopping and the thoughts stopping. Zone out.

Podcast: Good Hang with Amy Poehler
The episodes with Oliva Coleman, and Abbi & Ilana have brought me so much joy recently.